Adam Sandler: NYU Speech

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Adam Sandler: NYU Speech

Learn English with Adam Sandler’s speech. Adam Sandler’s hilarious commencement speech at NYU Tisch School of the Arts. 34 years after graduating from NYU Tisch School of the Arts, the 55-year-old comedian-actor spoke at the commencement ceremony. After cracking jokes for a few minutes, Sandler said of the artistic goals of himself and this year’s graduates, “We just want to give our fellow humans an escape from this increasingly psychotic world we live in.”

Full Transcript

We are the creative times, the deep thinkers, the risk takers, the designers, the influencers, the wordsmiths, the filmmakers, the critics, the thespian, the ring masters, the freestylers, the music markers, the visionaries, the dancers, the dreamers.

Hey! Hey everybody. Thank you. I'm so happy for you all. This is, this is really nice and I'm so happy. I I'm just glad to be here. It's it's great to see how happy all you guys are. This is a huge day for all of you so way to go. And I liked your speech back there, Peyton. That was awesome.

I was really sweet, smart and good. And I... I like being, this is, this is just making me feel awesome. Just to be back here. It's like radio city when I was a little kid...

my grand, my grandfather said, I'm gonna take you to the Christmas spectacular when I was like a little, little kid. And he worked... he didn't have a lot of money. He worked double shift as a cab driver for like six months and he saved up money for tickets and he got me and him tickets. We came in and we, and I looked at this place and I was like, oh my God, it's beautiful. And my grandfather then goes, oh my, I forgot we're Jewish. And so... he said, let's, let's go eat But on the way out, I saw a little boy out there crying, cuz he couldn't get into the show cuz it was sold out. So, I gave him my ticket and I said, I hope that show inspires you. And that little boy was Martin's Scorsese.

You're welcome, Marty.

No, I really, no, I really, I was here like I was at radio city when I was, when I was just starting to do good in standup comedy. I played radio city and my parents were in the crowd right over there. And anyways, it was a big day for me. It was the second time I saw my father cry. The first time I saw my father cry was at my graduation here. He was just, it was, I never seen him like that. And I'll never forget because he was a tough dude. Then all of a sudden he was like, oh my God.

I wrote a speech. Here we go.

Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Hello everyone. My name is Adam Sandler.

I know.

And just like the badass people out there in the purple gowns and goofy hats. I am an NYU graduate from the Tisch School Of The Arts. That's right.

I am a tissue if you will. Yes, 34 years ago, I was sitting out there just like you youngsters with the same exact thoughts. I've never been this hungover before.

If I throw up in my cap, will anybody notice? I hope my parents don't expect me to pay for lunch after this.

I can't believe my father is still looking for a parking spot.

And of course, why do all my NYU Stern School friends have $200,000 jobs waiting for them?

And I'm stuck here doing stand up comedy gigs in New Jersey for 10 bucks in a basket of fucking onion rings. Well, I'll tell you why we Tisch graduates chose to not play it safe and dedicate ourselves to the odds, Dad.

In all the rest of you doubters out there, we Tisch chose us laugh because deep in our souls, we have this burning urge to move people.

It cannot be denied. We wanna make people laugh, make people cry, make people think. Make people feel, inspire people, and yes, maybe if we are extremely lucky, show everyone our winners on Broadway.

We just want to give our fellow humans an escape from this increasingly psychotic world we live in. And if you're like me, the biggest reason we Tisches chose the arts it's because we literally can't do anything else.

What was I gonna do? Become an investment banker? I can't even find my wallet three times a week. Become a hard surgeon? I can't even watch my dog throw up without throwing up. Become a lawyer? I can't even win an argument with my 13 year old daughter. It's cold outside, sweetie. Maybe you should bring a sweatshirt. No. Okay. Don't bring a sweatshirt.

We cannot have a normal job. We don't do normal because we Tisch are not normal.

We are the creative times. The deep thinkers, the risk takers, the designers, the influencers, the wordsmiths, the filmmakers, the critics, the thespian, the ring masters, the freestylers, the music markers, the visionaries, the dancers, the dreamers.

It's what we are good at. It's what you worked hard at this amazing school to get good at. And yes, young Tisches after you leave here today, each one of you will be on your own path. Some will get to their goals quickly. Some might take a bit to get there. Some will change goals and say, f*ck it. I'm gonna be an agent.

But you all will figure it out; you got time. It's okay if the next few years are a little messy for you, you got 67 years of life left.

Damn, you dance majors probably got another 120 years with how much you exercise.

I like that opening number by the way.

But I am telling you, you creative... your creative goals are going to happen, cuz you are gonna make them happen.

For four years, you have learned from some of the most brilliant professors and brilliant students you could ever surround yourself with you are prepared, Tisches. You got the goods, Tisches. You earn the confidence, Tisches.

You are the NYU elite and you are going to go out there in the real world and kick some creative ass. Can I get a hell yeah?

All right. All right now, Tisches. Okay. Right now, I need all the graduates out there to cover their ears, because I want to talk to your parents. it's privately between me and your folks. So please fingers and the ear holes. I don't want you to hear any of this. This is a little thing between us and mom and dad.

Okay.

Parents, listen to me. You guys really messed up.

They are not leaving the nest anytime soon. This is a tough business they chose, but there's still time to talk them out of it. Moms and dads, if you ever wanna make love alone in your house again, I offer two pieces of advice.

Somehow... number one, somehow slip your kids' headshot to Mister Martin Scorsese before this event ends. He'll love it. I promise. He's probably gonna take the back exit outta here, so make sure you get there before he does and do not take no for an answer. That's how Leo's mom did it.

Second piece of advice... Parents, sell your house and move while your kids are out waiting tables or auditioning, you can send them a touching video to them. On Instagram of you saying, goodbye. Then send them letters with no return address. Just stay in contact, but that is it. If they make it big, then you can visit their mansion and reconnect. You do not owe them anything more. NYU tuition was the insane enough for you guys.

Your parental obligations have been fulfilled. Okay, graduates. Okay. Fingers out. You can listen. You can uncover your ears. I was just telling your parents how talented I think you all are. And I think Martin Scorsese sees it too.

And if he doesn't, well, then he's not a true Tisch, is he? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Leave... Leave, Marty alone. He is the best... By the way, thank you Marty for that donation of the building and all you guys have done for the school. That's pretty damn awesome. Thank you. And congratulations to your daughter, Francesca.

Okay. All right. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose the goofy voice for a second and I'm gonna be serious as serious as I can get. I do want to say I really... I'm so happy to be part of this. And I don't know why I'm getting emotional, but I'll try not to. So this school, this school did so much for my life and my memories of NYU. I know. Am I like really crying? Like a baby? My memories of NYU are so special to me and I'm sure they'll be really special to you guys. I miss it so much. And you guys, you're gonna miss this so much. It's the best of the best school in the city. The best thing I got outta school here was, was honestly my friends. And so... I got just so many great friends from this school, lifetime friends. And this is the true story. I'll tell you. My first day I was moving into the Brittany dorm, and I was in there with my mom and dad, and we were decorating the room, you know, putting the posters up and I was setting up my shampoo in the bathroom like it was a big deal. I'm gonna put shampoo there and conditioner over there.

And I plugged in my fan. I thought that was a big deal. And I was just doing whatever you do on your first day in your dorm, right? Then my first roommate walks in, his name was Tim Hurley and his dad was with him. He was great. His mom was great. And he was there to study business and I told him, I think I want to be a standup comedian. So anyways, Tim goes home that weekend. It's our first weekend in New York city and this guy goes home. And I think he, he was actually going to church that Sunday with his family. They lived in Poughkeepsie. Anyways, Sunday night, he comes back and he hands me a yellow piece of paper. And I say, what's this? And he said, oh, I thought you told me you wanted to be a standup comedian. So I wrote, wrote you some jokes. I swear to God it's the truth. And to be honest with you, I actually, I didn't have any jokes. I wanted to be a standup comedian, but I didn't know how to write. I didn't even know you had to write, as I thought I was just gonna go on stage and go, Hey... you know, So the jokes he gave me were funny and they were different. And I used them at a club in the village. I used to go up at this place called the Paper Moon. And... While I was going to college and I did it a bunch of times, but the first night I used his jokes and I did okay. I didn't do great. But I did, okay. Okay enough that I kind of got addicted to doing standup, and fortunately my roommate, Tim got addicted to writing jokes and we just kept writing and writing and we continued to work together. And we continued to work together today and we, you know, we wrote Billy Madison together and Happy Gilmore and The Wedding Singer and Big Daddy. And we literally wrote like 30 movies together. And he's a great guy and I always... he'll always be one of my closest friends. I love him and I got NYU to thank for that. A lot of my NYU friends I still work with they direct my movies, some edit my movies, some produce my movies, some act in my movies, some market my movies, some just come out on the movie sets and hang out with me. And we laugh when we talk about the old NYU days when we were youngsters, like you guys ready to go, go after it. And just don't forget these days, you won't. But don't forget the friends you made here, you guys always look out for each other. You won't regret that. Okay? All right. So that's the end of the sweet part of this... the speech. But yeah, you guys, you know, that you'll stay tight.

Okay. So I really do want to say congratulations to the parents out there for real. Your babies grew up. And way to go and way to support them. And you'll always continue supporting them cuz you love them so much. Like us parents do. Way to go parents out there. Round of applause for the parents.

Yeah. They're gonna be your biggest fans for life. That's just how it goes. I'm happy for you and I hope 33 or 34 years from now you all get to come up here and say, thank you, NYU. Oka . Rock and roll.

Congrats guys!


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